Revenge of the Chocobos
by Amimegustamuchascosas
Summary: The Chocobos are planning a revolt and Sephiroth is the only one who knows about it.
1. Singing Chocobos?

Disclaimer; I don't own anything, and Square Enix/Soft doesn't want to share (not that I blame them, I wouldn't want to either) so yeah…. I guess I own Crazy Lady # 7… you have to read it before you understand that last part. (a cliffhanger before the actual story heh, Ooh I'm bad, lol)

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GaPA; Great and Powerful Author (Mwa ha ha ha ha)

Sephiroth heard distant voices, all moving in one rhythm, up and down, singing. He stealthily followed the trail of noises until he came upon something he did not expect. A pack of chocobos had joined in song. Which is very odd considering chocobos don't talk and they certainly don't sing!

"… breathe never again

Down with Shinra

AVALANCHE will die

Raise the Chocobo Empire

We'll be known across the skies

Hojo, sure he now stands tall

We all know he screws up now and then

Soon, very soon he'll fall

He'll breathe, he'll breathe never again

Down with Shinra

AVALANCHE will die

Raise the Chocobo Empire

We'll be known across the skies

Cloud he's quite the man slVt

He thinks he can get two women?" (Then a chocobo soloist sung out.)

"and he stole my haircut" (the chorus joined in again.)

"He'll breathe, he'll breathe never again"

Down with Shinra

AVALANCHE will die

Raise the Chocobo Empire

We'll be known across the skies

The song ended and the chocobos were quiet for a while. Sephiroth decided to keep silent, stay in the shadows, and hope for an encore; a mistake he would soon regret.

"Kidnap the Sephiroth, lock him up real tight Throw away the key and then Turn off all the lights" (1)

If they honestly thought the great Sephiroth was going to stand there and be plotted against by a bunch of oversized feather brained animals, they had another thing coming. He reached for Masamune only to find that it wasn't in its sheath. The chocobos had become aware of his presence organized and stared him down. There cold blue eyes narrowed and some began charging toward Sephiroth the others followed the example. To his surprise Sephiroth found himself running from the pack.

He rose quickly from his bed, breathing heavily. Sweat ran down from his forehead which made his hair stick to his face; he rolled his eyes and thought to himself, "Just great! That's gonna take an hour to fix." It was still dark out; he knew he wouldn't get to sleep even if it was only a dream. He sighed and rolled on to his side, there was something about that dream that made it feel very realistic. Some awkward tangible quality made this nightmare different than the rest, more frightening. Which angered and perplexed him because he knew it was only a dream and chocobos were pathetic things to be afraid of. Not that he was normally afraid of them but this dream it was just too weird.

He shrugged off the dream and tried to catch some more sleep, if possible. He watched the soothing moon sail between charcoal clouds. "heh… charcoal… clouds… heh… fire… Cloud" this seemed to calm him down. His eyelids became heavier and he blinked slowly, but just as he was about to fall into a pleasant blood bath of a dream he saw a glimmer on his window sill, some object reflected by the moon. His curiosity was piqued and he walked toward the item.

"Keep it down in there!" the lady next door screamed. She was a light sleeper and let everyone suffer for it. Was it honestly his fault that the apartment walls were paper thin? If she didn't like noises she should have never choose to live in the city. Then again if he didn't like her he could just move or get thicker walls, he made a mental note. Sephiroth never told her what he thought about her because truth be told he never bothered to learn her name and referred to her as Crazy Lady # 7. Truth be told Sephiroth isn't very creative. He ignored CL7 (GaPA; truth be told I'm kinda lazy) and kept walking toward the window. He saw something that shocked him; a long golden feather.

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(1) Nightmare Before Christmas

So who is the mystery woman? What's a golden feather doing on Sephiroth's windowsill? Only one way to find out.

Author note; Short I know but more to come that is if I get enough encouragement (hint hint) Please review, thank you for reading!

Author's note as of June 11, 2006; I replaced the content with an edited version of the same chapter. Nothing major was changed, but the formatting on the poem was driving me insane. Maybe I can finally get some sleep now, huh? Oh and that whole Cloud line, it kept takingthe word I wantedout, I had to change it a bit so the 'V' is supposed to be a 'u'. Get it?


	2. What are you doing here?

Disclaimer; Square Enix/Soft owns all the people and places named within this story, that is except for Faye. (you know the drill) 

Author's note; Ack my songs! The format was ruined. I'm still trying to fix it but my computer is being evil, sorry.

Author's note (2); CL7 is not me and is never going to be me. If I wanted to put myself in a story I'd suck it up and use my actual name. Anyways, Sephy lovers no need to worry, she's not supposed to be competition. It's just that emotionally things might get heavy (now I stress the word _might_!) and I wanted any comfort/advice to come from a female character. It seems slightly more natural that way… even though there is almost nothing natural about this story.

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Sephiroth didn't know whether it was the dream, the feather, or the lack of sleep that made his appearance change so drastically but almost everyone in the Shinra building took notice. After all _paler_ on an already pale face is not so becoming. He had heard enough "You don't look so good"s and "maybe you should go home"s for one day and decided to follow the advice. As the heat increased and the lights blared around him he began to think to himself, "I know I look good in leather but for once I'd like something that breathes, cotton maybe. It's too hot in here." 

Just then he saw CL7, he took a few seconds to contemplate whether she was a mirage or not, he decided against it and called out to her. "What are you doing here?"

"No need to shout, I'm right here." The haziness of the lights and the humidity of the surroundings blurred his vision, making her seem farther away than she actually was. "Oh," he responded blankly.

"I work here, I have been for years," she wore her name tag on her chest. Sephiroth thought it a good a time as any to learn her name and not sound so ignorant next time they talked. Due to his health and vision problems, he took a long time trying to read the name tag.

"The name's Faye. Then again if you're lookin' at my goods you can just forget about it." Faye's watch beeped and saved Sephiroth from a very awkward moment. "They should be awake by now." She said more or less to herself and strode over and knocked on the door adjacent to them. The door opened and a strong waft of alcohol reached their noses. Reno shakily held on to the door frame and struggled for balance, he looked up at Faye with unfocused eyes containing dilated pupils.

After about a minute of silence he turned around and yelled out. "Hey Rude, you call for a stripper?" Faye smacked the back of Reno's head. "Ow!" he yelped.

"Be careful, he doesn't have too many brain cells left." Sephiroth said.

Faye was not amused, "Here it is only 7:30 (_AM_ mind you!) and you're already slobbering drunk!" she screeched.

Reno walked over to the other side of a light fixture and leaned on it, which for his drunken half-brain he seemed nonchalant and even cool, but to anyone elsehe was like a sloth on a wet floor. "You can' pu' us on a thedule." He defied drunkenly. (Translation; You can't put us on a schedule) Rude stepped out of the door, not looking much different than his sober form, he swayed slightly. The light fixture broke under Reno's weight and the bulb smashed and shattered on Rude's head, knocking him instantly to the floor. Reno shoved his buddy lightly with his foot, tripped over Rude and blacked out. Both alcoholics were now unconscious.

Faye sighed, stretched and said "Well, that makes things a little bit easier."

"Makes what easier?" Sephiroth asked.

"I have to watch them today, lost a bet." She sighed again and slung Reno over her shoulder with a surprising amount of strength that came out of absolutely nowhere. She turned around and walked down to the opposite end of the hall, still holding the red head. "That Tseng's one evil guy. Well, I guess it's my own fault I lost fair and square…" she continued talking to herself down the rest of the hallway. Sephiroth drew some conclusions, chose to help her,picked up Rude and followed her.

Faye threw Reno down with a thud, brushed her hands off on her slacks, turned around and saw Sephiroth holding Rude through the doorway. "Wow, you're helping me, you really must be sick."

"You knew I was sick?"

"It's kinda obvious." Sephiroth would have blushed if it weren't for the fact that red on his extremely pale face would make him look like a pathetic clown, and the Great and Powerful Author took pity on him. He dropped Rude down next to Reno as he did this his eye caught something very unusual. He turned his head in as many ways as possible, and no one angle could make sense of what he saw. Displayed on the security camera screen were hundredsand hundreds of chocobos.

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Litebrite89; Hope everything clears up, can't give away all my secrets in the first chapter. I can understand where the songs may have gotten a little tricky, sorry about that. 

00;; (darn underscore thing won't let me out it up, sorry about that, you know who you are)I'm glad you liked it! I hope this chapter entertained you as well

Mysteryhottie; Update is here, and only a day after the last chapter, hoo boy I'm good, lol j/k (I couldn't imagine being that conceited!) Well thank you for the compliment, I hope you like this chapter too. Don't worry there will be killings, a different fate awaits Sephiroth. Woah… deep.


	3. Poor Henry

Disclaimer; Square Enix/Soft owns everything in this story, that said they won't own everything in my life. (oh, yeah Bob and Alyssa are mine) 

Fans; ummmmm… more new characters? What's wrong with you?

GaPA; nothing, I am perfect Bwa ha ha ha ha. (mumbles; except for some spelling/grammar mistakes.) Don't worry people the new characters are purely for the benefit of the story and it's comic features.

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"What are all these chocobos doing here?"

Faye was mesmerized, "Did Sephiroth just sound scared?" she wondered. "Can he even feel fear? Wait why would he be afraid of chocobos?" she was so perplexed at his reaction to the animals she said nothing until Sephiroth repeated the question.

"Um, well…" she began. "Say something happens and Shinra loses it's electricity, cars and choppers; no good."

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, "It's an electric company how could it possibly run out of what it makes?"

"You'd be surprised?" she responded in more of a question than an actual statement. "Anyways what happens when people who need the electricity don't have it for a large amount of time?" Sephiroth opened his mouth as if to speak but Faye answered her own question. "They turn against the company, fire, pitchforks, it's happened before. The people who work for the company need a way to escape, that's where the chocobos come in."

"Okay… Now why are we here?"

"I work here, I watch, train and feed the chocobos, they let me use the security cameras because-."

"Turn the volume up." Sephiroth demanded. "That monitor there." He pointed to the one that displayed two chocobos huddled together.

"O…kay." she responded and obeyed. Loud noises of "Wark warrrk" filled the room.

"Do you hear that?" Sephiroth asked.  
"Hear what"  
"They're talking, listen close"  
"Um… Sephiroth chocobos… they don't talk." She said slowly as if trying to wake him from a far away place. Given his previous statement she deemed it worthy to talk to him in such a way. "All they say is combinations of 'Warrk Warrk Wark.'"

"You have no idea what you just said do you?" he smirked. "oh, so innocent." Sephiroth was truly and honestly convinced that the chocobos were talking. It would have made sense to Faye if she heard what he heard through the monitor.

"I'm sorry, he woke up," said one of the chocobos.

"He's got good ears, we should have expected it. You'll need to be quieter next time," the other coldly replied. "Did he see you?"

"I doubt it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure he didn't see me." The chocobos hesitated "Do you… Do you think he knows?"

"Not a chance."

Faye was beginning to grow embarrassed with the loud warking coming from her office. Sephiroth unsheathed Masamune, and turned around. "Where are they?" he demanded.

Faye cowered in fear, "Sephiroth?" she said in a frightened, uncertain tone.

"Where are they?"

"13th floor, the corridor farthest to the East." He ran out of the room, Masamune held in a horizontal position at chest length it was ready to pierce the first thing that gets in it's way. Sephiroth passed multiple employees, all of which would have to move out of the way or die trying. There was no massacre, apparently the employees were used to these type of drills. All except for a brand new one who was pulled aside by her superior just in time.

"Bob, you saved me!"

"It was nothing you'd better get used to it, Alyssa."

"Who was that?"

"Sephiroth."

"THE Sephiroth?"

Bob nodded "He's a bit… eccentric."

Sephiroth kicked the door open and the chocobos looked alert. There were various "Shh"s and "Shut up"s.

"Alright, spill it, I know you can talk!" Sephiroth yelled.

"The prophecy," muttered one.

"Shut up… I mean 'Wark'," another replied.

Sephiroth leapt into the air and held a chocobo by the neck, and threatened it with Masamune. "Talk!" the chocobo said nothing, Sephiroth chopped its head clean off. Blood splattered over his face, he dropped the limb body to the floor. He looked just as crazy as Faye imagined he was.

"How could you"s, "What's the matter with you"s, and "Henry!"s filled the room. All the chocobos gathered around Sephiroth in a menacing manner. The general held Masamune tighter and stared down the chocobos. One screamed out across the rest, "Spare him it was a misunderstanding, we'll train him to be loyal, the prophecy has to be true!" Darkness surrounded him.

He woke up to Faye's face "Good" she said, and then he felt a sharp pain on top of his head.

"Ow!" he yelped.

"'Ow'? I've never seen someone say 'ow' after they were given a potion."

"You're supposed to toss it not smash on my skull!"

Faye looked at him as though she was going to apologize, and then changed her mind. "Well serves you right, what makes you think you can pick on those poor little chocobos?"

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Dedicated to Henry (moment of silence) May he rest in peace and find green rolling pastures without fences in the next life.  
-- Amen

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Author's note; Like it? Tee hee I know I do, more to come!

Mysteryhottie; hey how's this chapter for violence? Good luck on your story, I'll read and review ASAP.

atOmicsquid; thank you for reviewing I'm glad you like it. I guess it is a really weird story, but I've seen a millions times worse before. All for the sake of comedy I guess.

Feverishly-angelic; Run-on sentences? Ack, sorry about that, I thought they were fine, oh well. Hope you like this chapter too.

Ceci; yeah it's one of a kind. I tried hard to make other people like it, I'm extremely happy you all do! ; )


	4. The Truth

Disclaimer; I don't own any of the places or characters within this text. (Except for Faye) 

GaPA; You own yourself

"Does anyone really own themselves, aren't we all slaves to one thing or another?"

GaPA; Woah, deep

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"I honestly don't believe you actually killed one of them! What did it ever do to you, huh? There can't possibly be a reason-." Fortunately for Sephiroth heard no more of Faye's ranting as he blacked out once more, unintentionally but to his benefit. 

He arose from the bed at the infirmary, surrounded by whitewash walls and nothing more. No sign of Faye or anybody Sephiroth walked down the empty corridor, throughout the Shinra building there was an awkward silence. He tried to regain control of the situation and thought about the past events, "Okay so chocobos talk to me and they are planning something against me. Something about a 'prophecy'. And now there is no one in the entire building. Where's Masamune? I blacked out ... Faye must have taken it, I wonder where she put-." His thought process was thrown off by a bone chilling scream that came from outside. Sephiroth jumped out a nearby window to save the damsel in distress. (GaPA: ha! Yeah right he wanted to watch and you know it.) He landed safely, which makes sense considering he was on the first floor.

What he saw outside was complete and utter chaos. The blackened sky split in half by a headache bright white lightening bolt, rain fell cruelly for an added effect of drama. Buildings were set ablaze and the rain did not quench the flames. Massive amounts of blood flood into the sewers an there were bodies everywhere. The corpses had numerous holes in them, too large to be bullet holes, and surprisingly shallow.

Sephiroth couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. He turned around to see a red chocobos staring at him with beady blue eyes. No it wasn't red; it was covered in blood, but not its own. It glared at him and scurried off in the other direction. Sephiroth was now convinced he was crazy his mind was racing with questions, "Where's Masamune, what's going on? Why is everyone dead?" He heard a rolling thunder, oddly enough from the ground. Sephiroth turned again and saw a long line of chocobos all splattered in blood. He stared down the line, he took notice that Masamune was gone and the number of murderous birds before him, he fled. They were right at his heels.

He came to a dead end that consisted of three tall brick walls, no doors or windows. In a desperate attempt he jumped from the eastern to the western wall repeatedly gaining a little altitude each time. He reached out for a ledge, it was wet from the rain, and his fingers could not take the lack of traction and his weight he fell. Sephiroth tried to gain altitude by flying to the ledge he reacted too late and landed on the ground with an outstretched wing and a 'cracking' noise. He gritted his teeth through the pain, closed his eyes and found a potion. "Why haven't they killed me yet?" he thought after he healed himself but before he got up. He saw one of the chocobos drop something to the floor. It was a head; it possessed blonde hair but no body. The glowing blue eyes stared a Sephiroth with no specific emotion but the mouth was gapped in horror. The general could not help but smile, and the chocobos seemed happy at his reaction.

"He's awake!" a figure hissed, Sephiroth slowly regained consciousness but made an effort not to make it look noticeable, he was back in his apartment.

"No he's not, you're paranoid."

"Yes he is I'm outta here. There's no way I'm ending up like Henry."

"Don't leave, I can't do this by myself!"

"See ya in the next life, brother." (1)

"Sephiroth I know you're sick so I've been really patient, but enough's enough will you please be quiet?" Faye asked from the next room over.

After Fay had said that so loudly there was no way Sephiroth could pretend he was still asleep. He woke up quickly and grabbed Masamune which was lying next to his bed. There were two things that were confusing but he did not let them throw him; Masamune was right where it should be, and his opponent was a chocobo. The intruder had a large burlap sack in its mouth and stared at the general with horror. Sephiroth swung Masamune, but due to his surroundings and physical state he was not so finest, the long sword was now stuck in the wall. He tried to pull it out, it wouldn't come free.

"Sephiroth will you please shut up now?" He jumped out of bed and held the chocobos by the neck, threateningly. "What's going on? What do you want?" he asked, his eyes narrow slits, the chocobo knew not to mess with him.

"We want revenge."

"Revenge? On who?"

"Humans! Why don't you get it you're too heavy!"

"Why don't you just tell them to get off."

"they don't understand our speech, their brains can't begin to comprehend the complex-."

"But I-"

"You are just as the prophecy predicted."

"Prophecy?"

The chocobo sighed and said something that sounded quite rehearsed.  
"When hope is lost and the planet's need is dire You will get what you deserve through lightening and fire There will be one who heeds your cries He will help you spread the terror across the skies As general you will take him at first not willingly When the battles have all ended you will shout victory"

"Why would I want to help you?"

"You will be forgiven of your crimes against the Chocobo Empire, and hold a prominent place in the revolution and the new world." Sephiroth had no particular expression on his face except skepticism, the chocobos decided to sweeten the deal. "You will be our general while we plan for and go to war, and after we win, you shall be king of all the surviving humans."

"Sephiroth, shut up!" Faye punched through the paper thin wall. "Oops sorry about tha—what are you doing!" She was horror stricken as she looked a Sephiroth about to strangle the chocobo.

The SOLIDER let go of the bird, it squawked "At the Shinra building, many are assembled, come tomorrow," and bolted off, leaving the burlap sack on the floor.

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(1) that's for all my LOST fans out there. Yay Desmond quote! 

Thank you for reviewing; mysteryhottie, and feverishly-angelic

Sorry about the 'limb' 'limp' thing I hope this one is better.


	5. The Cure and The Setup

Disclaimer; I don't own anything but Faye. Everything else belongs to Square Enix/Soft.

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"Don't follow me."

"I'm not following you, we work at the same place at the same time and we're neighbors it's only natural th-."

Sephiroth quickened his pace and Faye did the same. "So you are following me."

"Well I'm worried about yo-."

"Don't be."

"Look when I met you I knew you had some psychopathic tendencies, but come on attacking chocobos! Well maybe it's none of my busine-." She continued only to be cut off again.

"You're right it's not."

"But I honestly don't think you should return to work in such a condition, aside from the obvious," Faye paused and choose her words carefully "… mental hiccups you still look as sick as a dog," before Sephiroth could retort Faye continued, "I really think you should go home."

"Don't you ever shut up?"

"Sephiroth I'm serious."

"I am too."

The pair walked into the ShinRa building and each scanned their ID cards in turn. They entered the elevator together and Sephiroth pressed the 13th button there was a slight buzzing noise as the car ascended. Faye pressed no other buttons and stood quietly on the leaning against the opposite wall. "Faye, you can not follow me anymore." There was a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I already clocked in, everything I do until my lunch break is strictly business."

Sephiroth thought, "That still doesn't explain why you're getting off the same floor as me." The doors rolled back into the wall and the pair stepped out into the corridor.

Faye thought, "That arrogant jerk. He keeps cutting me off. Why doesn't he get it? I'm only going to this floor because I have to-." A thud and a sharp sudden pain in the back of her head interrupted Faye's thought process. Sephiroth propped her against a wall and continued walking.

As he turned the door knob to his desired location he heard scattered conversations and someone yelled "positions everyone!" He entered the room and saw many more chocobos than he expected, quite possibly tenfold the previous number.

"Our apologizes," said one "We mistook you for the food lady."

"Food Lady?" Sephiroth thought, "Oh no, I forgot Faye feeds them." He looked over to his left and saw a door marked "FOOD" in bold red block letters. (GaPA; Oh convenient!) When he walked over to said door he noticed that the ShinRa slide card key was dysfunctional and there was a key hole just beneath the door knob. (GaPA; I'm evil! Bwa ha ha ha. Where's Sora when you need him?)

Sephiroth turned to the chocobos, half of which were flipping out. "No food, no food we'll starve. We are doomed!" they cried

"Listen everyone," it was the same chocobo that spoke to Sephiroth when he entered. "We knew there were going to be hardships from the beginning but if we just stand together everything will be-." The door labeled "FOOD" fell to the floor with a THUD. Sephiroth lowered his foot and stood aside as chocobos swarmed into the room. A few awkward minutes turned into an awkward half hour. Regardless of how weird the situation standing outside the door gave him some time to contemplate. He thought about many things; when he would get over whatever illness was plaguing him, how long he could balance Masamune's hilt in the palm of his hand, what his people murdering per minute average was. He even thought whether he should dine with the chocobos considering he had no breakfast that morning but decided against it. The biggest reason for this was he didn't want to show ANY weakness whatsoever even though hunger is natural and of course there was the fact that he might not be able to eat bird food and live.

"We have something for you." The previous chocobo spoke again; he appeared to be their leader. He tossed something over Sephiroth's head the object shattered and fell over his face in a liquid form. Sephiroth felt his high body temperature lower, he felt lighter and the hazy cloudy film that had distorted his vision for the past week disappeared, he was cured.

"That is only temporary, the illness will come back in a week give or take a day or two. We are capable and willing to give you the permenant antidote when we no longer need your services."

"So it's become you general or die, right?"

"The illness itself would never kill you. If you catch anything else, the common cold even it is magnified twenty fold."

"And that way it's not exactly your fault if I die. That is so cowardl-."

"Make no mistake the Chocobo Empire does not have as many emotional attachments as the humans do. That's partially why you are so compatible to our needs. You are not completely emotionless, but you are cold hearted."

"What makes you think I have any compassion for anyone?"

"You didn't kill the girl, did you? She was in your way after all."

"Why would I-- Do you know how many papers I'd have to--." Sephiroth stopped, regained his composer. "How about this ultimatum; give me the permanent cure and I'll let your leader keep his life." He called out to the group and pointed Masamune at said chocobo's neck.

"Even if you kill me another leader will be appointed it's happened before."

"That one I killed two days ago? You became the new one that fast?"

"We have a goal and we will let nothing, not even death, hinder it. Even some heartless humans understand that." (GaPA; cough… Rufus… cough)

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Author's note; Thanks those that review. For those of you who just read please review you don't even have to sign in I won't mind. Please, of course you don't even have to I can't make you do anything but it would make me a lot happier.

Author's note 2; Sorry this is a bit late but I had finals. In case anyone is interested I got an A or B in all my classes. Yahoo!


	6. Got a Little Carried Away

Disclaimer; Everything but Faye, Bob, and Alyssa belong to Square Enix/Soft. That said everything form here on out is important… sort of. 

Excuse; Well this is supposed to take place before the incident '5 years ago' when Sephiroth still worked for ShinRa. The reason why he and Cloud are hostile is because it's a comedy; I'm entitled to some randomness now and then. I'll have you know I've been pretty tame as far as dealing out randomness compared to some other stories/ideas I've had.

ACTUAL FACT THAT IS RELEVANT TO THE STORY; There are more chickens than there are people in the world! (I'm not saying that chickens are the equivalent to chocobos but just so you know, the humans are outnumbered and it makes sense.)

* * *

"Sephiroth please understand this isn't a complete extermination of the humans we just want to have enough so that they will accept our ruling." The chocobo leader instructed. 

"Yes, um… chocosama." Sephiroth replied in a questioning manner.

"Call me Robert. Oh, and if you want to keep anyone in particular alive make sure you tell us."

Sephiroth thought for a good minute then responded, "Zack should live."

"What about that girl?"

"Faye?"

"Yes, that one."

Sephiroth shrugged, "approximately how many humans do you want to keep alive?"

"Definitely no larger than Midgar's population."

"So we aren't going to attack Midgar?"

"No, Midgar is going to be our first battle point. I think a city's worth of people should be enough to inhabit all of Gaia though."

"I still think that's too much," another chocobo chimed in.

"Michelle I told you to stay home." Robert looked surprised, flustered and a little annoyed.

"Oh, I couldn't stay away, you know that," she said sweetly. As she looked into his eyes he read his next question. "The children are fine. You really don't know how boring it can be when you're a housewife."

"Well I'll make sure to _entertain_ you when I get back." Michelle cooed suggestively and rubbed her head against Robert's neck. Unfortunately for Sephiroth he caught their intent and didn't know whether to laugh or vomit. He decided to snigger seeing as there was nothing in his stomach to throw up.

"As if you humans are any better. You'll never believe what we heard in the next room over last night!" But Sephiroth guessed and was correct. It was obviously Bob and Alyssa. The pair had become rather fond of each other since Alyssa's 'near death experience.' (Come on people chapter 3?). It got to the point where Scarlet was irked. President ShinRa is on the verge of making a rule about business romances and firing the both of them.

"Um… Sephiroth?" it was Zack's voice. The General turned around to see Zack standing in the door way, mildly frightened. The spiky headed SOLIDER watched as the chocobo near Sephiroth warked a bit and his friend approached him. Zack thought, "Wait a second, did Sephiroth just _bow_ to a chocobo! Oh, he really has lost it."

"You look like you are feeling better." Zack said as they entered the hallway and closed the door behind them. He made a mental note to choose his words with caution; Sephiroth was not his normal self. "Faye told me what's been going on and I think it's great that you found a new interest in nature and all-"

"How do you know Faye?"

Even though he was cut off Zack was happy it was an off topic but perfectly normal response. He half expected a blank stare or nonsensical remarks. "Tseng, Reeve, her and I all play poker together, but she doesn't much money so she uses bets and dares instead of gil." He laughed to himself. "Tseng is so good at it, positively unreadable, Oh last week Faye lost so bad to him she had to-"

"Watch Reno and Rude."

"Yeah, hey how'd you know?" Zack finally realized he was off topic and switched back to his intended conversation. "Sephiroth you seem really out of it. Is anything wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." He lied, knowing the truth was difficult for even him to completely grasp and Zack really wasn't the sharpest sword at the weapon shop.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"You know you've got a lot of sick days tallied up by now, maybe it's time to cash some in. Maybe we both could, come on play hooky we'll go to Costa del Sol. You're overdue for a tan anyway." Zack really wanted Sephiroth to feel better; he thought a vacation would help.

"It's a bad idea to say those kinds of things in front of your boss."

"Sephiroth, you're starting to scare everyone."

"Darn and I was going for cute and cuddly." He replied sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"Maybe later Zack I've got wark to do."

"Wark?"

"Work I meant work."

Zack was worried he suggested something else, "Do it later, let's go get a bite to eat."

"I've been waiting to hear something like that since I woke up."

"Oh please don't tell me you're starving yourself. Sephiroth don't do it life is never as bad as you think it is. Have the courage to live man. LIVE DARN IT!"

"I told you I was fine, things got crazy this morning and I forgot breakfast, okay?"

* * *

Author's note: thank you to all my reviewers who I didn't get to reply to. If you sign in I will reply. 

Author's threat; Okay people I know some of you are reading and not reviewing. So here is my ultimatum; **Review or I'll have Faye sleep with Sephiroth!**

Faye & Sephiroth; WHAT!

GaPA; You heard me

Sephiroth; If you even think about doing anything of the sort I'll-

GaPA; You'll what, momma's boy (_blows raspberry_) (_spit lands on Sephiroth's face sending him to his limit break; SUPERNOVA_) Aw Crap. (_panics_) Okay I've got five minutes to do something Cloud! Hide me!

Cloud; First you kill me off and now you want to be protected, I see how it is.

GaPA; You do? I always thought you were a little slower than that.

Cloud; ………………… I am NOT slow! Die! (_chases GaPA, Sephiroth follows, enjoying carnage as much as he does. GaPA trips and scrapes her knee and gets her limit break; RANDOMNESS!_)

(_Masamune turns into a spatula and gets stuck between Sephiroth's two hands, which are glued together. There is a foreboding black cloud hovering over the man, and it casts bolt 3 on him whenever he moves. The SUPERNOVA attack is reduced to a marshmallow, a giant marshmallow but still a marshmallow. Cloud has his shoes on his hands and he is walking on them, he is ensnared in an eternal hand stand that he desperately tries to escape from as chocobos bite at his uncovered toes_.)

Sephiroth; How (_zap_!) did she (_zap_!) getalimitbreaksofast! (_ZAP_!) ow

Cloud; I guess a lack of reviews really gets to an author. (_tries kicking the chocobos away_)

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Another Author's note (yes another one, sorry); A friend of mine timed the SUPERNOVA attack and said it took five minutes. This last scribble that involves GaPA has no bearing on the story, I'll return everything back to normal (well as normal as I can get with this story) for the next chapter. Please Review. 


	7. He Lost It

Disclaimer; I only own Alyssa Bob and Faye; everything else belongs to Square Enix/ Soft. 

Author's note; Alas this is my last chapter for this story. I thought it fitting because the chapter number is seven and since seven is considered a holy number and Sephiroth is the "one winged angel" well you catch my drift.

* * *

The chocobos exited the ShinRa building and stood on the edge of the cavern that looks out onto Midgar. The sky was dark as always and the clouds were laden with rain. 

"Get on my back," Robert instructed Sephiroth.

"What?"

"I don't want you trampled, it's okay I'm giving you permission." Sephiroth obeyed. "Oh and Sephiroth."

"Yes?"

"Try not to take my head off," he said gesturing to Masamune right beside him.

He smiled and replied, "no problem."

The air was thick with a tension that only Sephiroth and the chocobos understood. All onlookers were deeply confused. Their best guess was that Sephiroth bred chocobos in his free time and was looking to sell transfer them.

Faye was the one onlooker who had some idea of what was going on. Being the light sleeper that was she woke up to every one of her neighbor's unconscious night chats with himself. After sorting through the countless father issues the man rambled about she picked up some interesting information about the revolution. She thought he was mentally ill and called Zack immediately, a mistake on her part some may deem. It wasn't until something happened earlier that morning that she believed him. When she went in to feed the chocobos they pushed her aside and escaped all the way out of the building. She sensed an awkward air that she had never detected before, hostility. She picked up a rock, aimed well and shot. Sephiroth fell to the ground with a sudden blackout.

He could swear he was only out for ten seconds at the most. All the chocobos were gathered around him, they had worried looks on their faces. "What? I'm fine, let's go."

Robert's eyes gleamed with joy, "Wark, wark war!" he said.

"What?"

"Wark w'rk!" Robert exclaimed.

"Stop joking around, we got a city to conquer." The chocobos all looked around worried once more and chatted amongst themselves. "What are you guys talking about? Come on tell me what's going on?" No matter how hard he concentrated he couldn't understand a word coming out of the chocobos' mouths. Robert dejectedly tossed the permanent cure over Sephiroth's very confused head and walked away with his chocobo brethren. Within the next half minute the clouds decided to leave their burden on the city, in seconds Sephiroth was soaking wet. He lost his gift, and now he was drenched and forsaken.

If one were to listen to the chocobos conversation with the wisdom of the chocobo language that person would have heard this;

"What I'm fine, let's go."

"Alright, let's get to it, Sephiroth back up."

"What?"

"Back up ya' get."

"Stop joking around, we got a city to conquer."

"What's going on?" a random chocobo inquired.

"I'm not sure, Sephiroth can you understand me?" Sephiroth stared at Robert earnestly trying to listen but still not comprehending. "Sephiroth, SEPHIROTH!" but the man had no reaction, not even to his own name.

"This is terrible, what do we do!" shouted another chocobo.

"I guess we tried to rush the prophecy and it simply wasn't time." Robert replied in a hopeless tone.

"What! He's perfect, it's temporary, fix him!" one shouted in disbelief

"It's a wonder and a miracle that we found him, he seemed perfect but it was a fluke. We can't fix him." Robert added.

"We will teach him how to talk again."

"That'll never work I've been trying to teach my human how to speak for five years she still doesn't get it, humans are slow learners."

"He's right what he had was a gift, he lost it. It's not something that can be regained." Robert said. "That really is too bad, Sephiroth, you were a wonderful ally and you would have made a great king."

"He was a god among men!" "A true chocobo at heart!" other chimed in.

"So what do we do now?"

"We wait the prophecy is bound to come true. It may be a long wait though. If this experience has taught us anything it is that we are getting closer." Robert responded, "And with the right leverage humans can be trained to be good."

"What are you guys talking about? Come on tell me what's going on."

Robert's blue eyes met Sephiroth's green ones; he saw anticipation, a little apprehension and the tiniest gleam of hope that it was all a cruel joke. Robert couldn't bear it; Sephiroth looked like a child eager and full of suppressed joy ready to spring out at the simple call of his name. There was nothing Robert could do for him and his heart ached. He turned from the man and tried desperately not to cry as he said, "goodbye Sephiroth," and tossed the bottle up over his head. Rain fell, rain that was supposed to wash away the blood of the old world and prepare for the new. Instead the rain only emphasized their defeat, humility and bitterness.

Sephiroth went back home and sulked the rest of the day. The next morning he went to work, Faye either left late or not at all. He didn't see her which was an odd occurrence. When he clocked in he wasn't surprised to see he had a new mission. Sephiroth was almost relieved; work can take your mind off many things. He went to Alyssa's desk. She was polishing a framed picture of Bob. Behind her was the traditional "Hang in there" poster with the kitten on the branch. The only difference was Alyssa put Bob's face over where the kitten's head was supposed to be. It was shocking that she even found him remotely attractive let alone more so than a kitten.

"Here you go," she said handing him a brown envelope with a cheery smile. "It's Nibelheim, I think."

"Terrorists?"

"Nope, monsters"

"You mean 'you think'?"

"Well actually no, I peaked. Oh yeah, this is for you, it's from Faye." Sephiroth took the white envelope it was already opened and he raised an eyebrow at Alyssa. "I couldn't help myself," she stated.

Sephiroth,  
I really can't believe you were right! Well not that you're usually wrong or anything but chocobos taking over the world, that's a bit farfetched. You don't even know how knew about that do you? Sorry, but you talk in you sleep. Word to the wise try not to get kidnapped and tortured for information, you really can't hold a secret to well. Anyway I'm off to find a better job or at least one where my mental stability isn't threatened. I'm afraid I lost my composure a bit; hope your head feels better.

Faye

"Lost her composure?" Sephiroth questioned.

"Yeah I guess sometimes people decompose." When Alyssa realized what she said she giggled to herself and said, "Oh, my. Well don't feel too bad about it Mr. Roth, she was a bit of a weird one 'chocobos taking over the world'? Come on!"

"Roth is part of my first name, you know Seph-i-roth, my name is not Sephy nor is it David Lee."

"Oh, okay then." Alyssa smiled her ditzy smile.

"You obviously read my mail; you should know this by now." It's a shame the revolution didn't work out, he would have liked to see Alyssa dead. He made a mental note as he wandered to find Zack and go to Nibelheim.

* * *

Author's note; Sorry guys this one is a bit depressing. Think of it this way; it is extremely difficult to have a happy beginning to such a serious game. Honestly who really laughed when they found out about the 'incident five years ago at Nibelheim'? Well anyway I hope this made you laugh even just a little bit, if not reread chapter six. (It's my personal favorite). 

ADVERTISEMENT; okay if guys you liked this, I've got more I'm working on. So far I got two comedies and a romance (ElenaxTseng). If you are interested be watchful.


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